And They Lived Happily Ever After

Why Ever After? Driving Away The Villainy From Our Life

As kids, the best way to get our attention - and make us eat food! - was for an elder to pick up some storybook and begin – "Once upon a time..." And we would be plunged into a fantasyland where there was a beautiful princess who would fall in love with a handsome prince. And the monomyth would follow a predictable path of a villain creating all sorts of obstacles in the way of consummation of the love between the two cupid-struck hearts, and the latter overcoming all obstacles and finally uniting, "living happily ever after".



And our own hearts would fall as the story took a turn where the hero found himself in some dungeon, or the heroine got trapped by some evil witch. We would heave a sigh of relief when some divine intervention would extricate the couple from their problems. Quite often, one of them would discover some hitherto fore latent talent or skill, which would save both the day and their love. The more theatrical the elder's narrative, the more engrossing and absorbing the fairytale would be, and the more easily we would gulp down our food.



We grew up thinking that our own villains would come in the stark black-and-white hues that the narrator had painted in the tales. That people were either good or they were bad. That it was very easy to make out who was who from miles away, so strong was the underlying symbolism.



We also grew up thinking that, since we were good, there would always be some divine intervention that would help us see the light at the end of the tunnel. That would lift us up from whatever morass we had managed to land ourselves into.



Thud. Fantasy explodes like a balloon pricked, and hard reality brings us back to earth. I wish I was forewarned of what to expect, as part of the growing up process.



What the narrator never said, and what we learnt at our own peril as we grew up, is that the villains never ever come in stark black-and-white hues. Including the good ones. In fact, people around us come in more shades of grey than there are in a printer's catalog. And, very interestingly, depending on the situation, state of mind, set of experiences gone through and the pull and push they are in, villains can become Samaritans and Samaritans become villains. Like changing masks.



It is particularly hurting when they happen to be our own relatives, and are in a position where they hold the upper hand. So they can bully us, bamboozle us; push us into submission with ease. To accept their bidding, our own tender feelings be damned.



So, who wishes us well? And who doesn't? Rather, who at what times, is wishing us well and at what times, is not?



What the narrator baulked at saying, but what the hard knocks of life taught us, is that quite often, the villains are not physical entities of flesh and blood. No, the villains are not external to us, but internal to us. Our villains are inside of us. Our self-sabotaging attitudes are our dementors that would help us snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Our insecurities and insecurity complexes are our boggarts that would gnaw at whatever cheer and happiness and hope shone in us, hollowing us out silently.



The value systems imbibed in us by our elders would inhibit us and bind us and tie a huge lead ball to our feet. So that we act timidly when we should be acting boldly. So that we behave like second-class citizens when we are in reality our own masters. So that we perform less in life than what we are capable of.



What the narrator did not have the wisdom to say, but which later dawns upon us as we continue to breathe and go through the motion that is life, is that our own inner critic is enough to make us drown in sorrow and pain by activating our conscience by heaping loads of guilt, and commenting non-stop the carp of "tch, tch, look-what-you-have-done, see-how-bad-you-are". No, you don't need the world outside to make you feel small, guilty, inconsequential, and full of flaws; that inner critic of yours will do the job, thank you.



How naive we are! When there is trouble, we scamper hither and thither for divine intervention; such is the power of the tales ingrained into us by the narrator. What we were never told is that all the divine intervention that we seek, is, like the villains, inside us! The same divinity that resides in the smallest particle and in the mightiest of galaxies -- resides in us too. We don't need to go anywhere. And all we have to do, in times of trouble, is gently tap into it! In fact, when we are in continuous communion with this particular inner divinity, we won't ever have "problems" – we will have either "challenges" to overcome, or we will have life lessons to learn.



So, the villainy is within us, and the divinity too is within us.



How I wish my elders and senior relatives were taught a different set of stories and fairy tales to recount to us. I wouldn't have had to learn my life lessons the hard way. I wouldn't have had to indefinitely wait for the elusive moment when I could "live happily ever after" -- my happiness would be mine; right here and now.