Accept Changes Beyond One's Control

Decide To Not Be Bogged Down By Circumstance
Jerry (his nickname) will not forget March the seventh of last Friday in a hurry. For that was the day when the world as he knew it collapsed around him.




Wednesday closing time was very volatile on the Bombay Stock Exchange. The index had dipped to the level of last September, and that was when Jerry had invested heavily. When the first signals of the tumble came in January, any other trader would have exited sensibly. Not so my friend Jerry. His astrologer had told him to expect a hefty cash income in March, "immediately after Shiva Raatree (a religious event)". And his astrologer had never let him down.




Thursday was a holiday on the bourses on the occasion of Shiva Raatree. Jerry had fasted the whole day to appease his deity. Come Friday, and he asked me to drop him at his broker's office on Infantry Road. From the looks on his face, he seemed to be already visualizing the goodies he would splurge on once he made the kill.



When I returned to the office to pick him up at closing time, Jerry was a changed man. He could barely get up from his seat. The market had tanked further through the day. All of Jerry's profits had been wiped out, and there was net loss in his account. The only saving grace was that he had not panicked and sold out after the value of his holdings touched below his purchase costs, but instead had remained invested. I had to take him to the hospital that evening, where the doctors admitted him overnight for hypertension and high blood-sugar levels.




With the profits he held in his hands till January, Jerry had aspired to send his son for a four-year undergraduate course in engineering to the U.S. Costs roughly USD 40,000 (including on-campus residence) per year. As things stand today, the son appears destined to be going to a government-aided (low-cost, but equally good) course in Germany, albeit not possibly in Engineering. Or maybe, search for good alternatives within the country. The wife, a banker, will have to bear the brunt of the EMI of the second loan they took when times were good, at least till such time that the bourses stand up again. It is definitely a new lifestyle for this household from this week on - and possibly a new career for the kid.



This week seemed to have shifted the tectonic plates in the life of quite a few others. On Wednesday, a friend put in her resignation at the research organization she had been working with for the past almost six years. She got an offer for a lateral position in a private company, and will relocate to Texas to take up this new job. Dilly-dallying for the past almost six months, she will now be taking up a job that is more challenging and more intellectually rewarding. This relocation means that she will have to move away from her spouse and kids. This week on therefore, she has to create new support scaffoldings from scratch.




Another friend called up from Delaware to inquire about any possible IT opening for him and a good school for his kids in Bangalore. His company is folding up because of recession. A high-flying software executive, his tone was uncharacteristically nervous. Had to be, for he had himself admitted sometime ago to be beneath a mountain of mortgage, thanks to the high-profile lifestyle of his family. The new flavor the season has this week on has caused him to rethink the way he has been leading his life.




A change happened in the life of another friend on Thursday when the family court finally set her free from what she called an "oppressive" relationship. She had been staying in a paying-guest accommodation, away from the erstwhile family for over a year now, waiting for the court to give the green signal, bringing the curtains over a fifteen-year-old union. "Just four suitcases", she said, were all it took to walk out of the house. Strange, isn't it, how fifteen years of marriage can finally squeeze into just four suitcases. The final bickering over the alimony amount now settled, she is a free bird. As I type this out, her plane must have touched the ground of the Kolkatta airport, where she re-joins her parents, and where she had started her life as an adult. The one family unit is from this week on splintered into four individuals (two kids, aged 13 and 10, with their father). To each their own.



I guess keeping one's chin up and graciously accepting the earth shifting beneath one's feet is the only way to go. When the going is good, celebrate. When the going is not of one's expectation, then detaching from the situation and deciding to not be sucked into the thought sequence of "oh god, what will happen to me now", or "what next?" – are the very first actions that need to be taken.




The world economy is not in our control. The stockbroker friend knew it, the researcher friend knows it, and the software friend is aware of it. In a relationship, the behavior of the other is not in our control, too, as my friend from Kolkatta can vouch for. But how we react to the conditions is definitely within our control. Decisions that are taken with an attitude that firmly refuses to be bogged down by the circumstances one is in, have a richer quality about them, as compared to decisions that are taken otherwise.




We have to constantly remind ourselves that whatever happens - happens for our good. When we look back at this time period five to ten years from now, we will realize how much these shifts have helped us grow. Therefore, we choose to be happy and remain happy, come what may. And that is the only way forward.




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